If you’re the kind of guy who’d rather watch The Big Bang Theory or code the night away than suffer through conversations about reality television in some tedious bar, take heart. While dating isn’t the easiest for geeks, it can be done.
Einstein was married for 17 years before the death of his wife, Elsa. DeForest Kelly, known for his role as Dr. Leonard ‘Bones’ McCoy on the original series of Star Trek, was with his wife Carolyn for fifty years until his passing. Science-fiction writer Isaac Asimov was married to his bride Janet for 19 years before her death. Obviously, true and long-lasting love does exist for the nerds of the world. Learning how to date effectively brings you closer to finding the right lady for you. Here are a few tips to get you started.
This is not the SATs. A date is meant to be an enjoyable evening, so enjoy yourself! If you’re a nervous wreck, she will sense it. Anxiety can cause excessive sweating, stuttering, spilling your drink down the front of your shirt, inappropriate laughter, and all kinds of cringe-worthy faux pas. Calm down! At worst, you won’t be compatible with your date and decide not to go out again. You’re not defending your dissertation, you’re dating. Keep it in perspective.
While you don’t want to badger your date, remember that people love to talk about themselves. Ask about safe subjects such as work, hobbies, or music. If she asks you questions, keep your answers short and honest. Monologuing is bad enough when you’re an evil overlord. Create a dialog and let the conversation flow.
Don’t dumb yourself down.
If you have a PhD, understand particle physics, or work in a very technical field, don’t feel you need to hide the fact. While you want to avoid being arrogant, being passionate about your work or studies isn’t a bad thing! Just be sure to answer her questions in layman’s terms and don’t go on about it for half the date. Be sure to ask her about her profession or aspirations as well.
Be a gentleman.
If the date seems to be going well, you may forget the small gestures in your excitement. Hold open doors, use your napkin, and don’t drink too much. Remembering your manners shows a girl that you’re a well-bred man worthy of her company. While leaning in for a modest kiss at her doorstep is acceptable, make sure she meets you halfway. Don’t embarrass yourself!
Just about the worst thing you can do to a woman is lie to her. If you have no intention of seeing her again, simply thank her for her time and make a polite exit at the end of the date. While that may seem rude, promising to call when you have no intention of doing so is far worse. If you do want to see her again, having lied about your job, your previous marital status, or any other pertinent details could come back to haunt you later.
While you can safely forgo the rule of waiting three days to call after a date, don’t get too swept away. Make sure that your relationship develops naturally, and don’t let your career, education, or other social obligations fall by the wayside. There is a large swath of time between ‘single’ and ‘in a relationship’, no matter what Facebook says! This period of time is non-exclusive dating. Take advantage of it and go slowly.
Let go of your preconceived notions about what women want.
This is perhaps the most important dating rule of all. While the media would have you believe that every woman wants Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp, the truth of the matter is that women are attracted to all sorts of men. Fat, skinny, tall, short, dumb as a brick or a Nobel laureate, there is a woman out there who will find every possible permutation of man irresistible! The trick is to find the lady who is right for you.
Keep these tips in mind the next time your great-aunt’s next-door neighbor’s sister winks at you or one of your guy pals tries to hook you up on a blind date with his friend from college. Dating is like any other skill in life. You didn’t master WoW, coding, or physics in a day or even a year. It’s the same way with dating. Mastery at any skill takes practice, so get out there and have a few nights on the town with some cerebral honeys!