How Not to Meet Women: The Nerd’s Mating Call

Nerdy Girl with Abacus

You have to play your cards right to get the hotties

Nerdy Girl with Abacus
You have to play your cards right to get the hotties

While there are certain geek-centric segues one can use to attract females, these cringe-worthy gems are sure to earn you a slap to the face, a bewildered expression, or a cutting comeback. Here is a non-comprehensive list of pickup lines to avoid if you like having your pride, and teeth, intact.

Thinly-veiled references are never a good idea upon a first (or third!) meeting.

  • “You turn my software into hardware!”,
  • “Let’s see if I can interface with your V-drive”, and
  • “I’d drop my firewall and let you upload to my hard-drive anytime”

are sure to come off as either creepy, disgusting, or both. A woman worthy of your manliness would be far more romanced by talk of her assets above the neck. Tell her that her earrings shine like a binary system and watch her eyes light up, instead.

Cheesy flattery is also a huge turn-off.

  • “Are you set to stun? Because it worked!”,
  • “Astronomers are jealous of that heavenly body,” and
  • “You’re already so fresh, I don’t need F5!”

are all lame. No lady capable of meeting your standards wants the first comment you make to be about her figure! Women want to think you’ve noticed her, not her measurements.

Don’t get too technical, either.

She may be brilliant in literature, art, or history, but throwing out an obscure come-on involving physics, chemistry, or biology just makes her think you’re pompous. Even if she understands completely, she’ll wonder if you talk like this all the time.

  • “Why don’t you put your golgi body next to me?” and
  • “Would it be possible for my substrate to bind with your active site, or are you allosterically inhibited?”

both sound like diseases or uncomfortable syndromes. Just don’t.

Finally, don’t make the mistake of self-promoting.

Gems like:

  • “You’re as complicated as the mysterious reboots happening on my Linux server” and
  • “If you want to share my bandwidth, I have a fat pipeline”

make you come off as boastful or obsessed with your accomplishments, equipment, or both.

While a carefully constructed geek-centric line or two may capture her interest, avoid crude double entendres with explicit undertones and any comment that be construed as piggish and you’re sure to impress.

Nerdy Girl
Don't follow these rules and this is who you'll be stuck with.

3 thoughts on “How Not to Meet Women: The Nerd’s Mating Call

  1. Haha, the stuff you said is straight-forward but you did it in your own clever way — I like it. Cheesy pick-up lines and bragging isn’t going to get you far.

    Also, being too technical or logical is usually a no go. A lot of intelligent guys struggle with that and they need to learn how to hit a girl emotionally.

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